I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have feelings that need drinking.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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