***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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