Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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