tell your sister to shave her snatch
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
