first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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