It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
