He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
