a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
