I just pynch a tree in the face
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
