in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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