pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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