I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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