You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just had sex on a roof
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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