through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
