never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
