haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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