I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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