I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
