So drunk its hurt
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the condom got lost in my hair
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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