rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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