proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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