i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
