Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
