Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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