i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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