How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
