I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
