and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
