I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
