why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
