Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
