new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
