Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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