I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
