im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
