Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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