Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There was a lot of him and a little penis
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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