Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
