Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
