Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
