the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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