im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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