these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
