When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
