At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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