The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
