Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
