OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
