I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
