there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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