I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
