using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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