Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
