But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
