dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
