i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
