you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
