She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
