Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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