guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I forgot wine drunk hurts
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize