It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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