So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
