Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
