And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
