If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
