it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize