Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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