I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
