I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i drank out of a bidet.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
