I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
